breastfeeding woes

Ugh, its so very frustrating to be back in this place again. I was warned that stress can be hard on milk supply, and with moving and such, I was cautious, drinking all my water and taking fenugreek. I think a couple days before the move we took Lucas in for a check up and the doctor said he was still a tiny bit jaundace. She said its usually caused by breastfeeding and that the only way to tell would be to stop, and pump for a week and feed him formula instead. If he isnt jaundace, that means theres no underlying liver issues.

So after the move, I tried pumping, and realized my supply was super low. Like 1 oz per side. So I stopped, tried having him breastfeed every time he wanted, which was all day long, and nothing changed.

Its so disheartening. I was doing so well for so long and then bam! I'm back in a place where I was with Sadie. I'm so depressed right now because this time I actually enjoyed it, and it was easy, and I felt such a bond with my little guy. Some days I feel like a total failure cause its happened again for the second time.

I dont know what to do, supply is still low, I dont know if its worth trying to get back up. I dont know if anything I do will fix it cause its so low. I have good days where I am ok with quitting and then I have days where I wonder if I'm giving up too easy. The day I took to have him eat all day was so hard. He cried all the time and probably cause he was hungry and not getting enough. It broke my heart. Pumping has never really helped me increase supply, and I dont know if I can do it on prescription drugs and herbal stuff.

I might try again. Hes gotta go in for his blood work to make sure hes fine, but hes not yellow at all to me so I'm sure hes fine. After that, I might load up on pills and be a human cow for a while, pumping and feeding all the time. I dont know.

Anyhoo, if any of you know of someone who could get their supply from 1oz per side to much higher, let me know. It might encourage me to continue. 

House tour: Kitchen / Dining Area

Since moving, the first room I've unpacked completely was the kitchen/dining room area. It was so much fun. I mean, everything has a place now Its not all crammed into tiny places all mishmashed together. Also, I have been lent this beauty for a while. She's just wonderful. You havent really lived until you've baked a batch of cookies with one of these. I'm already want one of my own now.

I have a normal sized oven! Hurrah!

 

 Isnt this the most prettiest dish you ever did see? While unpacking the kitchen, I found a small unmarked box that I did not pack. Curious, I opened it and found new kids clothes (thanks momma) and under all that, I found this and another casserole dish. I have been on the hunt for vintage pyrex, and never thought I'd ever have one of this set. Its my favorite set of all, and there it was in my kitchen. You should have seen me, bouncing around like a kid at Christmas. I couldnt believe it. I called my mom thinking she had bought it for me at a thrift store and packed it with new clothes for the kids. Nope, she didn't buy it. She got it from my grandma in Alberta who they visted the week before. My mom mentioned to her that I needed casserole dishes, and my grandma went to her cupboard and grabbed 2 of hers for me. This was one of them. I so miss my grandma. She has some mail coming her way soon!

 Fridge, big enough to store all the groceries that I need.

I love my ikea cube shelf. Sadie has her toys in the bottom boxes, and books up a little higher.

Sadie and Lucas' toys. Ugh, didn't realize that her giraffe is looking kinda grody on its feet. Laundry time!

This little book is Tootles the Taxi. Sadie is not allowed to play with this one. It sits on the higher shelves. It was mine and my sisters when we were little. Came from the discard bin from a public library. My mom would do all the voices for the different cars and trucks and things. Awesome book.

So thats my kitchen dining room tour. I'll try and clean up more to show you the rest of the place.

Oh, and did you really think my house was that clean? Its all trickery and deceit. See...

I wont even show you the living room -- which has a laundry basket and laundry thrown all over the floor courtesy of Sadie.

Dear Lucas

2 months old already!

You're not as fussy as you used to be. You still love to be held though, and you love laying in my lap when I sit crosslegged on the couch.

You are very much a morning baby. I get to listen to you talk in the mornings, its wonderful! Ahhh gooo is the cutest noise you make.

You're growing into 3-6 month clothes, and I'm sure that in no time you'll out weigh your sister.

I adore your sticky uppy hair, it tickles my chin when I hold you.

Your sister loves you, she tries to help with you. I've caught her trying to give your eye or nose a soother when you are upset. She also desperatly wants to hold you some days. I'm sure you'll be good buddies.

She loves you so much, she wants to share everything with you.

moved!

Sorry its been a while, we've moved and are finally getting all settled in. Moving was stressful, and took a while. We ended up finding a lot of stupid little things that needed fixing when we moved in, for example, doors that were broken, all the door knobs are loose, and stuff like that. I like this place though. I'm most excited about the kitchen. Its big and has a dishwasher. I've only been doing dishes by hand since 2003, so its awesome. My glasses only sparkled like this when they came out of the box. When I washed them and put them away, I had to stand back and admire them, all pretty like.

There's also a washer and dryer! Both kiddlets are in cloth diapers (except at night), and so far its no big deal. I'm going to slowly add to my stash so that I dont have to do laundry as often, but its not bad. I've dealt with poop explosions (a whole nother post) and I've lived. Poop doesnt phase me any more. Not that it ever did really.

Our kitchen table kicked the crapper during the move. I kinda figured it would. It was a freebie, and I knew its legs were wobbly. So I'm on the hunt for a table, and maybe even some new chairs, for before Christmas. I'm hosting Christmas Dinner for Tony's family and I'm so excited. I havent been able to do that until now.

So I'll be back with photos and such later. My camera batter needs to charge. I'll be back soon!

Goodbye tiny apartment

We've spent 4 wonderful years here. It was our first real home in the city. Now we're off to our new place in surrey. I still am not 100% happy with being in surrey, but thats life,and I'm sure I'll get used to it. 

Things I won't forget at our current place:

The clattering of the grocery carts going down the alley way as people rummage through the recycling.
The roar of huge air planes going over head.
The really sweet neighbours that we had.
The first place we brought Sadie home to.
Christmas as a family of three.
Watching Sadie grow up for her first year here.
Being on bedrest here.
Bringing Lucas home.

I will update you all on our new place when we get the internet hooked up again :) 

Moving day commeth

The end is in sight! Its a happy/stressful time here in our apartment. Moving day is on the 15th! I'm so excited to get out of our very cramped space. Right now sipping on my starbucks cup filled with water while blogging from my mattress in the middle of the living room floor. I'm surrounded by furniture, boxes, and odd and ends of things that should be packed away.  Our current living situation is now this; Lucas stays in the living room with us, and Sadie has taken over our bedroom. During the day, there isnt much place to play, so Sadie and I play on the mattress, and Lucas watches from his bouncy seat (one of my favorite second hand purchases).

I've been packing all week, and just ran out of boxes and packing tape today. Luckily, my sister in law Beth is coming over tomorrow to help,and I can get the rest of the odds and ends finished. I've tried to stay organized, but I'll still end up sorting stuff, and throwing stuff out after we move.

This week, Lucas smiled his first real smile at me. Made me melt inside. Sadie also says "BUM!" more like "BUHH!" when I ask for a diaper for Lucas, or if she sees the rolled up used diaper that I havent thrown out yet.

So I'll try and take more interesting photos of the move and such, but here is the best one of his smile (he gets distracted by the pretty pink rectangle near his face most times, so I was lucky to get this one before he started starring at the phone).

Homemade Chai Tea Recipe

This week I've been asked to do a guest post on Larissa's blog, and so as its fall now, I've posted my favorite fall drink; Chai Tea. So click here to pop on over for the recipe.

a very long day

Thursday was the first day I went out of the apartment alone with both kids. We had doctors appointments to get to and Lucas was running low on disposable diapers, like we're talking 2 left. Had to really gear up mentally to get ready to take them both out.

It was fortunate that Lucas slept through Sadie's breakfast. I could focus on finding missing shoes, a coat that would fit Sadie, and hats for them. Just leaving the apartment was hard work. Lucas was in the moby wrap, diaperbag was over my shoulder, and Sadie held my hand as we made our way down the stairs to the stroller. Sadie did well, she slid down the stairs. Really excited about the prospect of going out, she forgot about the last stair and took a step off and fell down. She was not impressed, and so that meant that I had to carry her and Lucas at the same time while abandoning the diaperbag in the hallway temporarily.

She was calm after a few mintues, and once everyone was buckled in the stroller, we were off. Stroller was kinda tough to steer, and I realized that one of my tires was low on air. BAH! I had to carry on, as we had 3 appointments to make.

Thankfully Tony was able to skip a meeting at work to meet me at the doctors office. I couldnt possible deal with both kids at the doctors without Sadie being strapped into a carseat, and the stroller is way too big for my doctors tiny office.

Cookie break, waiting for daddy to arrive

So Lucas is doing well other than hes still a touch jaundice. She ordered a blood test for him. He's gaining weight well and pooping and such, so she thinks its something with my breast millk and I might need to pump for a week and feed him formula instead. oh joy. I think it will come down to that, but I dread it cause I fear it will decrease my supply. That and I hate pumping. Well, we just have to wait for the test results. Lucas is 10lbs 8 oz, thats a pound in I think 2 weeks or so. Not bad at all.

We missed Sadie's 12 month checkup, so she was also weighed, and she weighs 20lbs. Yep, just 20lbs. Shes only double her brothers weight. She's always been a small girl. Tall,  but small. Shes in the 7th percentile for her age. She's also a little pickey. So shes going to be on a high fat diet. Doctor said to put butter in everything. yum, butter! Im thinking heavy cream, butter, croissants as well as meats and things. Shes just now interested in ground beef. After our appointment, she shared my teen burger with me and she liked it.

She had her shots, which was so sad. She cried hard and was not herself the rest of the day. Tony does the shots part, which I'm so glad for, cause I cannot stand to watch let alone hold them down.

After all the poking and prodding and crying, we got on the skytrain to head home. Both kids did well on transit, no crying or screaming. I was so thankful for that cause I was out of clean soothers. Sadie tossed both of them on the floor at the doctors office -- ew.

what's new? We're moving!

Sadie also learned to colour, and now she wants to colour everything

Yes, that's right, our little family of 4 is MOVING! After crazily house hunting for a place over the last 2 months, we found one. We'll be renting the upstairs of a house. I'm so relieved. We've got 3 bedrooms, and we're excited. I've been packing like stink to get this going. We get the place October 15th, so I'll be away a lot the next couple weeks.

I'm excited to move. I'm ready to be out of this cramped apartment. 2 Kids in a one bedroom just for the last week has been rough. So, off I go, I'm Space Bagging all our linens and things today, and then packing books and things.

Also, if you haven't checked out my super cute giveaway, please do so, and enter HERE.

the (GROSS) things toddlers do...

Now I know that having a toddler means you have to expect them to do disgusting things. I've seen quite a bit, mostly in the way of poop, but last week, Sadie surprised me. She took it to a new level.

It was the afternoon, I was just finished feeding Lucas. Sadie was busy throwing diapers all over the room - typical tornado toddler stuff. I had opened the door to our room to head to the living room when Lucas pooped. So he needed to be changed NOW. I turned around, started changing him, and realized that the door to my bedroom was left open, and Sadie was gone. Normally she hangs out with me, but when an oppertunity arises to get into more trouble, she takes it.

So I start speed changing my little buddy thinking that its way too quiet, shes up to no good. Got my boy changed lightening fast - and took him out to the hallway.

The bathroom door was left open...

This is bad, I thought. My girl, she has this thing about playing with water. So I start down the hall praying "Please oh please keep her out of the toilet".


No such luck. In fact, not only was she standing by the toilet beaming from ear to ear, but she was holding MY TOOTHBRUSH.


AW, SICK!

This little girl must have been making toilet soup (and was having a marvelous time, might I add), and using MY toothbrush to stir it up, cause there was toilet water all over, and a soother had been plunked in the bowl as well.

Quickly, before she started brushing her teeth (heaven forbid), I plunked my little buddy down on the hallway floor, and ran into the bathroom flinging my toothbrush into the garbage. Kept her hands where I could see them, and scrubbed her down with as much soap and water as I could. I didn't even want to think about if she had brushed her teeth with toilet water, but I didn't really stop her right away when she started to eat soap bubbles.

It will clean her mouth right? My boy then starts to cry, so we shuffle on out. Whew.

That was gross.

the hunt continues

We're still looking for places to live. Last weekend was fruitless in terms of even getting appointments made. I called and emailed so many places, and I think we ended up seeing 3. None of which were appealing.

So I'm trying to get some more set up for this weekend, but its tough, cause most places will be listed on Oct 1st. It might end up being that I make appointments as we drive around.

I can't wait to move and get it over and done with. I went home to vancouver last weekend, and lived in half packed boxes, and stuff everywhere. Tony and I tackled our closet and room and such, so its not that bad anymore, but its just frustrating living in mess. Poor Tony, he was so out of sorts living in chaos and disaster that he was ready to throw out most of it. Thankfully I got there, and we sorted and organized and then threw away the crap. 

Oh, and this little girl is ready for the rainy weather. Grandma found these for $2 at value village. Awesome!

Dear Lucas,

I can't believe you're one month old now. You've gotten back up past your birth weight, and love to eat. Some days all  you want to do is eat eat eat!

You are in the 50th percentile for weight and height. You've been thinning out a bit, but not terribly. Everyone tells us that you look just like your daddy. You've got his awesomly spikey hair. I love it. It tickles my chin when I hold you up to burp you.

You are such a strong little boy. Since you were a week or 2 old, you've been very good at holding your head up. You are very good at tummy time, turning your head back and forth, holding it up, and looking about. You are also focusing more on things, and people. You especially love watching your sister play, and looking at the trees outside.

Sleeping is hard for you. You just want to be held. You also can't help the fact that you are sore from all the gas. Poor tummy. When you do sleep though, you snore, and grunt. I call you Lucas "Grunter" Raymond. You are the noisest sleeper. 

You love bath time, although, not the getting in or out parts, just the being in the water parts. You didn't even mind when I spilt water on your face. You just blinked at me. I hope you are a water baby too, cause you and your sister will have a blast together when you're older.

You also really like your bouncy seat. Your sister loves to bounce you in it, but she's not allowed to anymore. She's not gentle enough to bounce lightly.

Happy 1 month little boy!

Sadie Loves...

Hiding behind my legs when she meets new people
Eating bites of apple or pepper, chewing them, and spitting them out
"Kissing" Lucas (she licks his face)

To throw herself on the floor (hitting her head on the floor) when she's scolded
Headbutting Aria when she's mad at her
Wiggling her tounge back and forth
Trying to make a *POP* sound by pulling her finger out of her mouth
Feeding you her food

Corn on the cob and farmer sausage
Being tickled on her ribs and under her arms
Listening to her glow worm sing lullabies to her before naptime
Toppling towers of blocks that momma makes
Touching forbidden cellphones
Throwing tupperware on the kitchen floor and smiling

Happy 16 months Sadie!

 It was around the time that I found out I was pregnant with Lucas that I realized that I'd have 2 babies in diapers at the same time. It also hit me that we'd be paying twice the amount for diapers and wipes per month. That did not sit well with me. It was already expensive to buy diapers for one kid, let alone think about the cost for 2.

So I did some research. I figured we'd be moving after Lucas was born, and I figured that we'd probably have our own washer and dryer by then, so I looked into what it costs to use cloth diapers. Poop didn't gross me anymore, so as long as I knew how to take care of these diapers, we'd be in good shape.

Oh man, who knew there'd be so many different types of diapers and things? I spent late nights on bedrest looking up these things, checking different sites, and brands.

The ones that appealed to me the most were the fuzzibunz and bum genius one size fits all diapers. Don't have to buy all kinds of seperate sizes, and they seemed the easiest for me to get used to. I bought one, but realized that in order for me to give this thing a go, I'd need to buy enough for at least a day. Since they were kinda pricey, I hunted for bargins on craigslist. You know, diapers that were given to someone as a gift and were never/hardly used. After a couple weeks, I managed to get 6 diapers.

So yesterday, I put her in only cloth diapers for the day. It wasn't bad. The only thing I made a mistake on was leaving her in one for too long, and oops, her onesie got a little wet. Pretty much just gotta check them every hour or 2. Since these guys already cause a lot of laundry, I'm not opposed to doing diapers as long as I have my own washer and dryer.

The Diaper Pin website was also a really nice thing to show Tony. It calculates the cost of disposables vs cloth diapers. He's more of a fan now than he was before. He doesnt like the smell factor of the diapers. Smell wasn't that bad in my opinion.

http://www.diaperpin.com/calculator/calculator.asp

I'll be really testing these out when I move home. If I can manage one kid, I'll do both. this also means buying more diapers, but thats not bad as long as I do it in small amounts, or find more craigslist scores.

Have any of you used cloth diapers before? 

What were your thoughts on them? 

Did you find a specific brand that worked well? 

Let me know your thoughts on all this.

I'll be making a follow up post on my progress with using cloth diapers.

trouble maker

If you were to write a caption for this photo, what would it be? Post to the comments below :)

Meeting Lucas for the first time

Finally, my best friend Larissa got to meet my boy. I was so sad that it didn't happen sooner, but I'm so glad that she met him.

This photo melted my heart

We met for a Starbucks date and Lucas was as good as gold while we were out. Maybe sometime soon, she can babysit the both of them. That would be interesting :)

alone with 2 kids, yikes!

Wednesday was the first day I was home alone with both kids. Aria had her big nursing exam in vancouver, and Mik was in school. So Mik woke me up before she left for school by plunking Sadie in my bed. Sadie was just waking up as well, so we groggily watched cartoons on the iphone (I mostly dozed) until Lucas woke up.

Lucas seemed to be in a better mood that day, he was pretty peaceful, and stared at me or the trees that were blowing in the wind. He loves watching the trees outside.

Naptime was a challenge for Sadie though. That day, Sadie was going to nap in my bed because its low to the ground, and she can crawl right on up. I attempted to put her to bed a couple times, while Lucas was sleeping, but she wouldnt. Around 12, she was so tired, that when we laid in the big bed, I realized that if I paid attention to her, she'd try and stay up, so I grabbed my phone and browsed Pinterest and then 5 minutes later, I peeked at her, and there she was:

Out cold with her bum in the air.

Just as she fell asleep, Lucas woke up, almost waking her up. I whisked him outta there and fed him in the living room and then we watched crappy day time tv. At least TLC has crappy wedding shows on. 

There was a point in time when I had both children whining/screaming at me, and it surprised me that it didn't drive me crazy. I'm sure that once I'm fully alone with them both, they'll break me, but for now, I think I did ok. The hardest part was keeping Sadie out of trouble while feeding Lucas. She was mostly after the diaper garbage in my room when we were in there. yuck. 

My mom came home around 2:30, and we all headed to the Lucas' appointment for the doctor. But that's for another post.

I remember now why I hate moving...

Tony and I are on the hunt for a new place. 1 bedroom apartments are not good for 4 people, even if 2 of those people are less than 2 ft tall. I was all excited about looking for places, and then I realized how much work it is to find them, look at them, and then hunt some more.

Moving is gross in the normal situations, and being that Tony and I are apart 5 days a week, and I am not at home, it really REALLY SUCKS.

I've been looking at classifides and craigslist, and last weekend we went out to 6 appointments. All of which were duds. The first place was previously inhabited by hoarders. The landlord "renovating" the place admitted this to us. There was a box full of pest repellant, fly tape and paint on the floor in the entry way. I'm sure it was way worse when the hoarder lived there, but when we saw the place, it was pretty bad. There was a makeshift shed in the backyard that looked like the hoarder had taken scrap wood from everywhere, and built himself some storage for his stuff. The yard still had remments of things all over. Ya, no thanks.

Most of the other places we saw were too far away from groceries and such, and transit was mostly shuttle buses. Not good.

One of the last places we saw was asking for $1100 bucks, and upon entering, a waft of garbage smell hit us. Gross. The stink came from the garage. I figured for $1100 you'd get a nice looking place, but this place didn't have a tub, or baseboards, or a properly boarded up part of wall.

So hopefully our luck will change this weekend. I've got a few appointments made, not as many as last weekend, cause I'm more picky and careful with what we're going to see. We'll be driving around more and looking less on craigslist, so I'm hopeful.



Dear God, please find us a home.

Remembering 9/11

That day, I was on the school bus when I heard the whisperings of something on the news. Being the quiet girl that I was, I ignored it and continued reading my book. It wasn't until I got into the school lobby that I saw the footage of the first plane hitting the world trade center on one of the tvs. From that moment on, I joined everyone else and stood there, stunned, watching the tv.

Disbelief, shock, fear all hit me. The bell rang to start school, and as zombies, we headed to our classes. Every class was the same that day. We might have been given a worksheet or assignment, but nobody looked at it. Instead, we sat in class quietly, glued to the tv coverage.

I'll never forget the events of 9/11

Lucas' Birth Story

Its taken a while for me to get this all out, but its done now.

I still cant believe that Lucas went to full term. After the scare of preterm labor, going through a cerclage with the thoughts of still ending up in preterm labor it finally hit that we made it. I remember laying awake in bed the night before thinking, "we've made it baby". We've made it indeed. I laid there in bed thinking about how wonderful my parents have been, taking care of Sadie while I was on bedrest, taking care of me. I was so grateful to God for taking care of everything, even though I stressed and stressed about everything. I shouldnt have stressed so much.

The morning of my scheduled c-section, I was surprisingly calm. I've never felt calm like that going into any hospital situation. Had to have been God. We woke up super super early, around 5:00am. Yuck. Tony took a couple gravol, and woke up all kind of gross from taking the pills. This made for an interesting start to the day. He was grumpy, and I was trying not to argue back with him, but it didn't work. I don't remember what it was about, but we ended up being all snippy at each other. Ya, way to start out the day.

Still both grouchy now, we arrived at the hospital. It wasnt long until they gave me my sexy backless dress and shower cap, and had me wait in bed until the anesthesiologists arrived. Tony was off getting a quick dose of caffeine and a muffin so he wouldn't be miserable throughout the entire thing. While Tony was out, I met with my anesthesiologists, a handsome young aussie guy and his resident. He was super friendly and asked me all standard questions. They had to start an IV, so while the resident was getting that started, I told him that the worst part of this whole experience for me is thinking of the spinal being done. I told him how nervous I was about that, and he told me the most wonderful thing. The needle he was using in the IV would be the biggest needle used. Thank you God! My fears were almost put to ease. I remembered the epidural needle, and it was a big sucker. 

Tony appeared again, feeling better after drinking some coffee and eating a muffin. I was glad he didn't eat near me, I was starving from fasting for 12 hours.  

Once Tony was gowned and ready, they whisked me away to get the spinal done. I sat down on the small operating table, and a nice older nurse came over and explained what was about to happen. She was totally my hero. She stood in front of me, and while I scrunched over into a "C" shape, she calmly  made sure I knew what the heck they were doing to my back. After painting my back with hot pink iodine (I swear, after this whole thing, I was a hot pink mess- covered all over my torso), the resident anesthesiologist grabbed my sides and dug his thumbs into my sides and back. I think that was the most painful part of the whole procedure. Looking back, it makes me laugh that I was afraid of the needle, when really, I should have feared the crazy thumbs in my sides. So, after the numbing needle- which startled me, but that was ok, the fancy spinal needle went in, and I didn't feel a thing - well except for a lot of pressure in my legs before they went numb. Go crazy thumbs resident!

Then it was go time. Everyone was getting ready for cutting me open. Tony came back to hide behind the sheet with me, and we waited for my doctor to start. Crazy thumbs and Aussie doctor were talking and cracking jokes with us, and then it started. The whole thing seemed tons quicker than with Sadie. Before we knew it, they were getting to the good part, the part where they could yank this kid outta me. I was getting all tearyl as they were trying to get him out. The doctors were explaining that it was tough to get him out, so he must be a big boy. I told them my guess was 9 lbs. With the last push on my stomach to get him out, my doctor exclaimed "He's gotta be 10lbs!" She was close alright.

He was out, I was bawling, and Tony was a proud daddy again. 

He came out looking like Sadie with his brown hair, and his cry was nothing like hers. Hers was kitten like. His was loud and boyish. Poor little boy.

They handed him over to Tony and I, and I got my first look at my son. I remember thinking "hello stranger". I mean, I love him, but I don't know him at all. What a weird feeling. The stranger part melted away after a few days, but it did take a bit. I tried breastfeeding, but Lucas had a lot of gunk in his airways and was grunting every few seconds to try to get it out. They took him back to suck it out again, and then he was fine.

Lucky for us, I got to recover from surgery in the maternity ward in a special room instead of in the recovery section. Normally I would be seperated from Tony and baby in the recovery section, but I was able to stay in the c-section recovery room with Lucas and Tony, and it was the best.

So that was it. Planned c-section was not as terrifying as I figured. I was blessed with wonderful doctors and nurses this time, and although breastfeeding was initially really hard, I've come to like it now. More on that later.